Merry Christmas from Heaven

On Christmas Day last year I was 13 weeks pregnant with twins and in Barcelona with my parents and brother. I knew it would be my last Christmas before I had my own family - Denton and I's wedding was planned for February and I was expecting the babies over the summer. We were about a month away from finding out if we were having boys, girls, or both. We went to the Montserrat Shrine for Christmas to visit La Moreneta, a Madonna statue that is supposed to bless newlyweds. I kept seeing all of these little girls that day, and I just knew we were going to have a girl. Denton and I were unabashedly hoping for both a boy and a girl, but that day on the mountain at the monastery all I could think about was having a daughter. It started to become very real for me. I lit a candle, prayed for a daughter, and had my mother take a picture.

I've thought a lot about that prayer. Maybe I should have prayed for her health? That she would be here the next Christmas? That I would take her back to Barcelona some day? It seems so self-absorbed in retrospect to pray for a daughter rather than praying for my daughter. I have regrets about a lot of things, and for some reason I have developed some regret about that prayer. But the prayer wasn't in vain - I have a daughter who I love very much, and I know that she felt and hopefully still feels somehow that deep love I have for her, and that she's still with me this Christmas. Just not in the way I would have wanted.

I miss you very much, Madelyn, and pray for you every day. Merry Christmas, Love.

Merry Christmas from Heaven

I still hear the songs
I still see the lights
I still feel your love
On cold wintry nights

I still share your hopes
And all of your cares
I’ll even remind you
To please say your prayers

I just want to tell you
You still make me proud
You stand head and shoulders
Above all the crowd

Keep trying each moment
To stay in His grace
I came here before you
To help set your place

You don’t have to be
Perfect all of the time
He forgives you the slip
If you continue the climb

To my family and friends
Please be thankful today
I’m still close beside you
In a new special way

I love you all dearly
Now don’t shed a tear
Because I’m spending Christmas
With Jesus this year

by John W. Mooney, Jr.